8/15/-9/30/2011 CHALLENGE

8/15/-9/30/2011 CHALLENGE
I haven't had any dieting success this year at all! Constant scale fluctuations and beating myself up over it. It's really making me depressed. I can't fit into my clothes all while Chris is looking better than he ever has. He basically doesn't eat during the day and has dinner and that's it. He stopped drinking. I just can't get my mindset back to total deprivation. I've decided to not weigh myself until 9/30/2011 (at least I'm going to try). I find that the fluctuations are making me change plans too often. I don't stay on a plan long enough to see any results because I freak out over gains. I feel like no matter what I do I can't lose weight. I go a few days being really good then I can't stand the hunger anymore. I'm sick of dieting. I'm sick of hating my body and feeling horrible about myself. I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. The extra weight is so uncomfortable. I weighed myself on Tuesday and I was 162.8. I bounced up to 163 area and now I can't get down! I'm going to stick to this plan for 7 weeks and not change then I will weigh on 9/30 and see where I am. I've read that the No S diet is super slow and I'm fine with that. I'm fine with it taking a year to lose 10 lbs but I just want to see results.

I think my problem is that I'm doing a plan that is by nature, slow and steady yet I'm expecting dramatic scale results. They aren't going to come with moderate behavior changes. The results will be slow/moderate as well. Dramatic actions = dramatic results.

I need to focus on behaviors and habits instead of results / measurements. Give the habits some time to produce results. Track behaviors not results (weight).

Be mindful of my feelings. Eg - sit with the uncomfortableness of beginning hunger. It's ok to be hungry - it's not the end of the world.

Plan

1. 2 Meals, No Snacks ... No S Diet. I can't decide between sticking to 2 meals or allowing 3 (fruit b'fast). I think I'm better off doing the 2 meals. Melon season is about over so watermelon won't be an issue but I'll allow melon to be a part of the plan as a loophole but all-in-all I'll try to stick to 2 meals / no snacks
2. Walk Everyday for at least 15 minutes.
3. No Scale until 9/30/2011

Strategies

1. Follow Mindful Eating book
2. Log into Habit Cal EVERY DAY
3. Learn to sit with hunger and anxiety

New All-Time High Weight

163.6
OMG I'm freaking! Went to China Buffet last night for Chris' birthday dinner. I had 1 plate of food yet I'm up 3 lbs! This is the highest weight I've been in 3 years! My goal for Jan is 157 and I have 1 week left to reach that goal. I'm not revising the goal like I have in the past. I think I'm going to shoot for 2 meals a day and small portions. I think I have to be a bit hungry in order to lose weight. Limit the bread also. Drink tons of water when I get hungry. Count wines during the week. I'm assuming this 3 lbs is water weight &/or undigested food. I know this isn't very PC but it's like you have to suffer a bit in order to get the weight off then No-S diet is perfect for maintenance. Just don't think about food and keep busy.

Affirmation

"Life is really very simple. What we give out, we get back" ~ Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life

Back to Basics

I have been focusing all week on getting my habits inline with my goals. I think I tend to take on too much then just peter out and go back to square one. Flylady has something called 'Baby steps' which is how I'm going to approach the 4 most important things in my life. Weight, Appearance, Home, Mental (WAHM). There are other things such as family, relationships, exercise but they sorta fall into those main branches. I might have to make another main category for exercise since it's such a difficult thing for me to stick to. Exercise tends to fall under both weight and mental. Walking and yoga are good physically but also mentally. Now I need an acronym that includes E for exercise. God I'm obsessive! WAEHM, HEAWM -- maybe WHAEM. Maybe WAHES. What a waste of time this is!! WASH -- Weight, Appearance, Spirit, Home. Not sure how to fit the E in for exercise. WASHES - Weight, Appearance, Spirit, Home, Exercise, Steps.

Weight: Journal food/wine in Calorie King
Appearance: Makeup / shower
Spirit: Yoga & Read
Home: Flylady baby steps (on day 3)
Exercise: Walk 30 minutes per day
Steps: Minimum # of steps per day (have to figure that out!)

Disaster Reframing

"Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'"

My Inner Fatty is Escaping!!

I wrote this a few days ago ....
Weird but I feel like my true inner self is fat and that person is slowly escaping. Why can't I stop this weight gain. It's making me hide out even more because none of my clothes fit! I've gained 20+ lbs in 2 years! Maybe I'm taking too much of a laid back approach to losing this weight. It came on fast so I must lose it fast! I feel very confused because I don't want to go to deprivation extremes that make me just gain the weight back but I do want to get to where I was in 2008 when I lost the weight. For some reason it just seemed to fall right off of me. I think I was stricter with liquor then too.

Ok I need to seriously refocus and change my mindset. I've been thinking that I have to eat how I want to eat for the rest of my life. I think I've gained this weight back by not losing holiday and vacation weight that I gain. For example, go on vacation and gain 5 lbs yet never losing that 5 lbs. Add a few years and holidays and vacations and you get a 20 lb weight gain!

In 2008 when we lost that weight I had a basic plan that I followed. "2 meals, no snacks, no white at nite, 1 free meal a week". I ALWAYS got back on track on Sundays. I did low carb so my appetite went away pretty easily also. I think I shrunk my stomach down.

I feel like I have this 'last supper' thing going and anytime I eat something I feel guilty and as if I'm being watched. I feel embarrassed when I eat and like I have to eat alone. Typical eating disorder behavior I guess.

Well onto THE PLAN ....
(Based off of No S)
DIET:
1. 2 Meals, No Snacks, Free meal on Saturday  (once I hit goal regular No S plan)
2. Keep portions small
3. Wine period 3-8p (Mon-Thurs)
4. Think about food change your thoughts ASAP

EXERCISE
4. Walk daily (pedometer)
5. Yoga daily

Tues Jan 4: Will I survive the 1st week??

I feel like I've been run over by a MAC truck but I am determined to get back on a schedule and stick to a routine. Cold still has me down but I'm feeling better this morning. Yesterday I was able to stick to the No S Diet and the Home Routine (aka Flylady). The home routine wasn't 100% success but I think I need to revise it some because I probably have too much scheduled in there. I'm still having a hard time with time management and 'zone' cleaning. I'm toying with the idea of spending 1-2 hours over the weekend in the zone and during the week focus on regular house chores.

I have a tendency to overestimate what I can do and want it all at one time. For example, I want to walk more, lose weight, do yoga daily, run (couch to 5 k), get my entire house in order, meditate, be positive, focus on my appearance more -- I want it all now. I peter out though. Before the holidays I had gotten into a groove with the diet and walking/exercise. I was following No S diet, walking / wearing pedometer and doing C25K 3 times a week. Well the holidays came (along with a nice winter cold) and all my routines went to the curb. Add into that a grouchy husband and that killed my 'positivity' goal.

I think if I want to be successful I need to reign in my goals and expectations yet strive for full success in lieu of 'partial success'. "a habit formation system needs to eliminate partial success reasoning". Set up systems that allow for 100% success instead of partial success. Trying to diet, walk 10,000 steps a day, run, get my house to look like a Good Housekeeping ad, be as enlightened as Eckhart Tolle and a yoga guru all in 1 month is not a system of success. It's like I beat myself up for not trying to do more then I beat myself up for when I can't follow through. It's a lose-lose situation.

Goals for 2011:

1. Lose weight (20 lbs I gained)
2. Be more active (walk 10,000 steps/day, virtual walk across America)
3. Get my house in order
4. Be positive & happy
5. Run 30 minutes straight
6. Yoga daily
7. Meditation/ reading daily
8. Have more experiences / activities outside of the house
9. Get really good at knitting
10. Focus on appearance (hair, makeup, clothes)

What are the most important things to me right now -- the absolute bare minimum??

1. Lose weight (I gained 20 lbs last year)
2. Be more active
3. Get my house in a condition where anyone can just pop over and not be embarrassed
4. Be positive. Yoga, meditation & reading spiritual books falls into this category

 Goals for Jan 2011:

1. Get back to pre-holiday weight (157) via No S Diet
2. Wear pedometer and walk daily (goal = 10,000 steps/day; Minimum = 5000) IE "Urban Ranger"
3. Follow the home routine in itouch (make it a reasonable list!)
4. 15 minutes of yoga per day ** New habit
5. 1 new activity / month  ** New habit

So let's start with that. I hope it's not too much to start with.

2011 Begins Sick

Finally made it to 2011 after a trying year of 2010 (husband surgery, a lot of fighting within marriage, step-daughter issues). I'm starting off the year with a nice cold. I never get sick yet I 're-caught' the same cold in 2 weeks. Eating like crap, not exercising and being a couch potato for 2 weeks will do that too you.

I want to blog about my 'systems' I put in place this year. I want to have a place to just document, vent, cheer myself on. I'm feeling like crap right now. I don't do well with colds at all. I want to crawl back into bed. I ache right now so getting started on my 'routine' today will be difficult.