Calorie Creep

160.6 (+1.4) OMG I feel like my body has been invaded by some strange force. The weight just keeps creeping up and up and nothing I do seems to stop it. I felt like I ate perfectly within reason yesterday, got my steps up to almost 10k (9900) yet I'm up 1.4 lbs today! The weight jumps have been incredible. Yet I know that realistically this is water weight (I went up 1.4 lbs yet my BF is down and my hydration is up to 44.5%). I have my period now so I know its that too.

My plan has been to do yoga, count my steps so that I move more and count calories. But good God I can't believe how many calories those little fun-size candies from Halloween are! That tiny like package of peanut M&M's is 108 calories!! Fun-size Butterfinger = 100 cals!!! And these little things are like 3 bites! Well my little 'oh 1 little piece of candy' while watching tv last night certainly DESTROYED my entire calorie allotment for the day!

I'm doing the virtual walk across America. I think I really need a partner. I need to talk to Kel more or read more forums.

OK, yesterday was a screw up with the calories. I need to get back on track today.

Words of Wisdom

"I learned that burning the candle at both ends and my unhealthy obsession with dieting and food restriction had really done a number on my hormones and, consequently, my metabolism"
~ Jillian Michaels Master Your Metabolism

Life Lesson: Easy Exercise = Solid Foundation

It's amazing the power of a paradigm shift. It's all how you look at things really. I've been so down on myself lately about gaining back this weight but what I think I need to understand is that time will get me back on track. Slow and steady -- yes an overused cliche but it is true for me right now.

What is the huge rush?? If  it takes me a year to lose 10 lbs then so be it. I have noticed that I've been making these grand plans and strategies. Not just with diet but with all areas of my life and then getting depressed when I can't live up to them. I say to myself -- 'I'll try again starting Monday'. Monday comes and I'm on track for a day or 2 then fall off.

Some examples include such things as diet, exercise, home maintenance (cleaning), work, yoga. For exercise I have decided that what's most important is consistency. It is more important than what exercise I do, the intensity, the duration, etc. About 5 years ago I started this little experiment after months (if not years) of trying to get back on the exercise regimen. I decided that I would exercise every single day doing only Walk Away the Pounds - 1 mile. It only took 15 minutes and some days I even did it barefoot. There was no workout pressure. And no expectations. I wasn't looking to get a butt of steel in ____ weeks. I wanted consistency and a solid workout habit foundation. It worked!

I committed to the 1 mile WATP DVD for 1 month straight. After that I said I would move up to the 2 mile the next month. Then I moved onto the 3 mile. By this point I had been exercising CONSISTENTLY for 3 months. From there I moved onto the Firm and I truly had a solid workout habit base. I got stronger too, and tighter.

The point I'm trying to make (in my typical long-winded style) is that the most important thing is to start off super easy but the activity HAS to be a daily thing. Regardless of whatever life throws at you you must do that exercise. It could be as simple as a 5 minute walk around the block. But whatever you commit to has to be done daily. For at least a month!

Some ideas:

• Walk 1 mile per day (or whatever amount of time or distance you choose)
• Do ___ pushups, situps or squats per day
• Yoga
• Biking

SUMMARY: Commit to a VERY EASY AND SIMPLE exercise and commit to it every single day for at least 30 days. It's a necessary step to setting the workout habit into a solid foundation. Even if you are capable (which I believe physically that I am) of doing more -- DON'T! Focus on building the exercise habit by easy. If there isn't that dread then it's much easier to get it done!

My commitment starting 10/21/2010 (Thursday) until December 1st is to walk 1 mile every day (15 minutes) and do some form of yoga every day (even if its just a few poses).

PS: You are NOT allowed to bash yourself about previous exercise attempts and failures. We have all started and stopped exercise regimens so be nice to yourself -- even if it's only for that 30 days, then evaluate how you feel.

More Wisdom ....

So I know that it’s [exercise] not the easiest habit for most people, and most people’s experiences consist of starting and stopping and starting again. Which is fine — don’t beat yourself up about it. The important thing is starting again.

 source: http://zenhabits.net/4-simple-steps-to-start-the-exercise-habit/

I needed this today!

Words of Wisdom

A vigorous half-hour walk everyday will do more for you than you might believe possible. Your legs are known as the “pumps” of the body. That is, they contain the largest muscles in the body and were designed to help circulate the blood throughout your system. When the blood is circulated, it is forced into the brain area that is the most difficult area for the heart to reach because of something known as gravity.

source: http://agsxpress.com/blogs/walking-exercise

For me, the hardest part is getting off the couch and putting my shoes on!!

Snap Out of It

I was just reviewing my calories & carbs from last week and I don't think, in reality, I did as well as I thought I had! My mistake last week was focusing on really lowering calories while watching carbs. Even that I didn't do a great job at. I only had 2 days last week (Monday - Sunday) where my carbs where below 20 grams. Deb, that's not doing induction and that might explain the scale creep!

Go back to basics!  Focus on keeping those carb grams under 20 grams per day EVERY DAY! Don't focus on calories as much as carbs. Actually don't worry about calories at all for a few days to lose appetite and get some energy. My energy level is so damn low. I'm just not doing this correctly. Eat enough so that I'm not hungry but DO.NOT.GO.ABOVE. 20 GRAMS OF CARBS!!

My goal for this week -- and check back after 7 days -- no more than 20 carbs per day!! Oh, of course this doesn't include my wine -- hehe!

What is happening to me??

160.4 (+.4) I don't know what is going on with me! I had 592 food calories yesterday and I'm up another .4 lbs! I could just cry. I am not sleeping well at all. Things just are not good for me now. I'm uncomfortable all of the time. Just an underlying sense of unease and I can't stop it. I am up 4 lbs in 4 days yet when I started LC I certainly didn't lose 4 lbs in 4 days. It's like I struggle to stay on plan then if I go off I shoot up higher to where I even started! It used to be that if I lost some then screwed up I would just back back to where I had been. Now I seem to go higher. The number just keeps getting higher and higher.

I think I can absorb I 'free' meal a week -- its the Friday - Sunday free meals that are making me gain. It's raining today so I won't walk. I should do yoga but I feel so depressed that I have no energy at all. I want to crawl into bed and cry. I'm so mad and disappointed at myself!

Strategies

Strategies for not ruining all my efforts during the week:

1. Stay low-carb but increase calories for a treat
2. Eat no flour at all
3. Plan menu for the weekend
4. Read low-carb forums

Horrible Weekend

160!! (+3.6) I had carbs -- a lot of carbs -- this weekend! Italian 'fiesta' -- pasta, sauce, meatballs, italian bread, ricotta cheese. I figure if I had that on Saturday night then just got right back on board on Sunday I would've been ok but those carbs brought back the food thoughts and hunger. I think I just need to stay on plan even over the weekends. I can have more calories but I need to keep it low-carb. I woke up Sunday morning wanting pancakes but I settled for rice krispies that my husband bought on Friday :(

I feel so angry and depressed. I have officially hit the 20 lb gained mark! It's like I just don't have the resolve to stick to a plan. I get over hungry and drop off and eat all the wrong things! I need to start planning low-carb treats for the weekends that are higher in calories yet the carbs aren't there. Flour sends me off into a binge-like pattern!

My bloated stomach had disappeared with just a few days of doing LC yet now it's back. I feel like I have a rock in my stomach. Why do I lose control so easily?

I really need a low-carb partner. My younger sister says she wants to do it but she's single and parties a lot so that equates to screw-ups over the weekends too.

I'm entering into TMI territory but the gas has returned also. Bloat, gas and hunger are back full force! I need some strategies and rules to follow. Next post ...

Walking on a Balance Beam

156.6 (-.2)
It's Friday and I'm hungry! I am so depleted by the end of the week and need a 'refeed' so bad! Weight is inching down at a snails pace. I went on a walk today and had a revelation of sorts -- I'm officially commencing 'Project Be Nice to Me and 'The Others'. This means to stop judging and being critical and mean to myself and to others. Some acceptance of self and others is in order. I was thinking about when I was in a good place the last time and I think I was at my best mentally (or one of my best times) when I did yoga daily. There is something about yoga that makes you go inside and be present with your body, mind and breath. It doesn't happen overnight but after consistent practice.

Staying 'present, pleasant and positive' is such a challenge for me lately. I am having a hard time staying there myself and then when you add other people's 'unawareness' and 'pain bodies' into the mix it just sets me off course almost immediately. It's like being pushed off of a balance beam that is hard enough to stay on just with myself let alone when people ('The Others') distract me -- or rather I let myself get distracted by them.

My goal for the remainder of October is to practice yoga DAILY, walk outside at least 15-30 minutes daily. I was contemplating starting Couch to 5K but I wonder if it would be better for me to be a bit gentler on myself - at least until I get my head in a better place.

** I think I am just hanging tight until Chris is out of candles. **

Words of Wisdom

A great quote I had jot down from Hacker's Diet: "Another unpleasant fact of dieting it's worth facing up front is that while you don't need to go hungry to maintain your weight, you will need to go hungry in order to lose it."

Low Carb is going well

I can't even post my weight because my scales are so messed up! My new scale is coming today though -- seems like it has taken forever to get here. I finally worked out today with The Firm -- Total Body Time Crunch. I'm just not as crazy over those 'pink' workouts as the older ones. Super Cardio is on the rotation for tomorrow but I really am out of shape and nervous to do that one. If its nice I might walk instead. Low carb is doing great -- my appetite is almost none existent. Just hope it starts to show on the scale soon!

TGIF

Weight: Taylor scale: 158; Tanita: 155 -- I absolutely can't wait for my new scale to come in.

I had a horrible night last nite. Big fight with my husband that I don't even want to go into because I'll just get mad all over again. I'm hiding out from him!

I made Anne Burrell's Sausage and Pepper Frittata. Highly recommended! Low carb and delicious and super easy to make. 

I just had wine last night instead of vodka so I think that is why my weight didn't go down today. I certainly didn't eat much. I'm also in the midst of TOM so hopefully I'll drop soon. Next week I'm focusing on not drinking wine and having vodka and crystal light instead.

Oh I went for a great walk yesterday. Today I didn't do anything. I feel like I can barely move and on the verge of tears so I'm being easy on myself today. I think walking is great I just have to really focus on keeping my heartrate up. 

The Reality of Regained Weight Hurts

Thurs Weight: 157 (Taylor); 155 (Tanita - old) (today's weight/yesterday's info)
WEDNESDAY:
B: Coffee
L: 2 scrambled eggs with shredded cheddar with ketchup
D: Herb-crusted chicken with mustard butter
S: 1 oz walnuts
A: 2 wines + few vodkas + crystal light
Exercise: NONE
Energy: Somewhat low
Mood: Crappy
Comments: Fight with husband over situation at school with our daughter. Got period.

I've been reading old blogs and journals of mine that are spread across the internet and I am surprised, embarrassed and depressed about having gained this weight back. Just an underlying sense of depression and hating on myself lately. In 2007 I was the same weight I am now. When I finally got back down to 140 I swore it would never come back. I felt great! I have been pretty good in the past keeping the weight off that I lose but not this last time. My all time high weight was 210!! I have never been that high again but it seems like the 140-160 range is going to be a lifelong struggle.

Oh well, I'm going to succeed with low-carb, exercise and commitment to re-lose this weight. It's just disheartening right now!

There is still tension with my husband and his office is right next to where I workout so it's a nice day. I'm going for a walk!

Hey There

A brief summary of where I have been in the past 2 years. After some family drama, my sister and I decided to get our lives together and lose the excess weight that we both had been carrying for a few years. She has more of an excuse than me because she had just given birth to her 4th child and was done birthin' babies and ready to get skinny again. I on the other hand hadn't lost the weight from my pregnancy 10 years prior. We both used different diets (I can't even remember what hers was TBH) but I attempted low-carb, Atkins-ish plan.

I started 11/07 after Thanksgiving at 172 and by the summer I hit a low of 140 (well 138 for a few days but that didn't last long). I maintained this weight of 140-143 for the next year then in the fall of 2009 I took up the hobby of cooking, became a vegetarian and gained weight, albeit slowly. When I was vegetarian my face broke out something awful. I have gained approximately 15 lbs back and am ~155 lbs. I felt so good when I was 140 and unfortunately, I think I dieted myself back up to 155. There hasn't been a time that I haven't been on a diet. I weigh myself daily yet this weight is creeping up and I can't seem to stop it no matter what I do. I am about to turn 42 in December so not sure if age has something to do with it.

I decided to go back through my journals and redo what worked then. When I say I did Atkins I was never 100%. I would have 'cheat days' or 'refeed meals' every week yet that worked fine for me and I continued to lose. I had always set up a goal of 5 lbs per month to lose.

I am depressed, embarrassed, frustrated that I gained this weight back. I was always pretty good with maintaining my loses once I got there. I was never one to lose 10 then go off a diet and gain it all right back. I credit that to weighing myself daily. I just feel like I don't even know my body. I'm gaining regardless of what I do. I have been having a lot of carbs so I really hope doing an Atkins style induction will help me at least get started again. In July I was 150 so I've easily gained 5 lbs that won't seem to drop. I came back from vacation 3 lbs heavier and can't lose that. Ugh I could scream! Or cry ...

My reason for making this blog is to have a place for me to vent and record my thoughts, motivations, etc.